PUA for the totally clueless guy

There have been some comments lately on Sleazy's blog from guys who are either totally clueless themselves (or think of themselves in those terms) about how Sleazy and some other guys are just arrogant, not understanding of the like and can't relate to other guys who are totally clueless themselves. I can understand a lot of what they are saying as I was totally utterly clueless once. This is just a guide to share some details about my story, and how I went about it, and how potentially a guy like that could go about it.

So as I have written before in My background that I came from a very conservative family. In college, I barely had any female interaction. At the end of my junior year I went to US to work for the summer. It was here that I took my first ever salsa lessons. You may not believe when I say this, but I almost did not go there. I had paid the money in advance, yes 10 minutes before the start of the lesson, I was so uncomfortable that I almost did not go. It was a huge mental battle where I walked to the class, then went back because of anxiety and then finally did go to the class.

I was so anxious - anxious about my dance abilities (everyone always told me I was a pathetic dancer), anxious about meeting new girls, dancing with them, then I had these fucked up notions about what salsa dancing is supposed to be like etc. When I went there, before the start of the lesson I was so anxious that when the female instructor there (She was so hot - her name was Eva. I still remember her so clearly) said hi, how are you, I couldn't even reply back. Once of the key points was that as soon as the lesson started, I realized everyone was also anxious because no one knew how to dance. Also, the instructor was very sympathetic, the music was good, they made us laugh and I felt a lot more comfortable.

After that I went to my first salsa party. You once again may not believe this, but before this night, I had never been to a club before in my life. A couple of bars, yes, but never a club or a dance party before in my life. I was so fucking tensed that the whole night, I did not dance with a girl. Towards the end of the night, I danced with a girl a bit and this was my first dance night. I can go on and on with my stories but the point I want to make is, I have been there. I understand. And although I don't want to make it into a who-came-from-a-more-fucked-up-background-contest, but trust me when I say this, very few guys will come from a more fucked up place than I did.

Anyway, looking back, had I got into PUA at this stage, dude, honestly, I don't know how badly would I have got fucked up. The problems for me, or for anyone in a similar position, is not chicks related! It is about general anxiety. Guys like this (which includes me) have just not been social enough, outgoing enough, never had enough regular cool outgoing friends, we never learned to dress properly, never learned to just get comfortable around women or even other random guys for that matter, never went out with enough female friends, never talked to enough of them as regular people etc.

Overcoming all of this itself is an achievement and which is what you should be focused on. Just start going out a bit. Talk to a few people. Get enrolled in some hobbies. Start going a bit, even if it is alone. Make a few friends etc. Once you can do this at least to some extent, yes, you will miss lots and lots of opportunities with women along the way, then start worrying about focusing on seriously dating women.

This is exactly what Sleazy calls as foundations. Once you can do this, then slowly you will start noticing that some women are being a little too friendly, or are sitting in a corner and talking to you for half hour at a dance party, or are smiling too much and standing too close while talking to you, or keep giving you suggestive eye contact etc. It will happen. No, I am not special that it happens to me.

I know I used to think at one point that there is no way chicks will ever like me for who I am. Of course, I need to do a lot of random shit because otherwise, clearly, I am very unattractive. I remember being completely honest with myself once that if I had a naked girl on my couch, I still probably wouldn't know what to do.

People like this have other issues. First get your foundations sorted. Then worry about your dating life. After that once you have been a couple dozen dates, advice like do warm approaches to get chicks, and which are warm signals will start being obvious to you as well.

PUA for the average guy

Recently, Sleazy wrote an article on why cold approaching is almost useless. It seems to have generated a huge buzz (check here, here and comments of the original post itself). Most people disagreeing with it seem to have completely missed the point of the post which is that you shouldn't approach strangers indiscriminately. Either approach people who seem open in general or people who seem interested in specifically you. Don't approach randomly.

Since I believe it is a very important topic, I want to write a bit more about it. Now, before someone accuses me of being a Sleazy fanboy (feel free to do so if you want to), I would appreciate if you read this post and just reflect on your own experiences.

This is another point which PUA community seems to miss completely (By now I have said this statement so many times) and that is, who is the target audience. To give a background, by a lot of different statistics, average number of sexual partners is around 7, in a LIFETIME. (Just as a side note, some surveys say average for guys and girls are different. Assuming a large fraction of sex is done between one man and one woman, and that number of men and women around the world are roughly similar, theoretically, this number should be the same). Generally average is influenced heavily by outliers, therefore, the median is probably lower. I will let you draw your own conclusions from these basic stats but it is safe to say that fucking 20 new women a year is far from the thoughts of any average guy.

Now I like to think of myself as an average guy with relatively modest goals. My whole thing with PUA was that I wanted to feel more comfortable and confident about my love life and around women, bang a few women here and there, and then settle down with a high quality girl. I think it's safe to say most guys too have similar ambitions.

All the stuff which I have shared on this blog and spirit of Sleazy's post is in a similar light. It is all meant for the average guy. It is not necessarily for the guy who wants to fuck a new woman a week. I believe even for a guy like that this advice is well suited, but I can't say for sure because I am not that guy.

Now to become a guy who gets a few high quality women a year (As a side note, most women most PUAs get are far from quality but that's a separate point), you really do not need to get to a stage where you have absolutely zero approach anxiety, social anxiety and sexual anxiety, you do not need to be able to get 5 make outs every time you go out, where you are completely immune to rejection, where you are able to approach the hardest sets, where you can convert 90% of your first dates, have sex with every girl within an hour of getting to know her, where you know how give a girl 10 orgasms in 20 minutes etc.

Simply going out a bit, pursuing hobbies, having fun with friends and asking girls who seem interested in you out on dates, you should be more than good to go. This is what most average guys want anyway. It's one thing to say that you are out for some work or something else, see a girl you like and so you try to chat her up, but constantly going out with the sole purpose of meeting women is not something which I would recommend for anyone.

The primarily value of cold approaching as I see it is that it shows you that you can actually approach strangers. This aspect of your personality is also much better cultivated in a warmer scenario because people are much more friendly. It's high time people realize that it takes two to tango.

Also if you are never able to get dates from your social circle or warm approaches, then generally speaking, your problems are not girls related. It is almost certainly something else. So before you do anything else, literally handle your basics first. Once you can do the basic stuff first and are able to get a few girls from there (basically achieve average guy goals), then go do whatever the fuck you want. However, I have a strong feeling that if people actually did this, most of them would actually not bother with PUA after that.

To all those who are skeptical of anti-PUAs

Recently there have been a couple of instances where I have been in part of a debate of pro-PUA vs anti-PUA people. This just made me want to write a post about my own experiences and how I too was pro-PUA at the beginning, how I grew slowly skeptical and how slowly but surely, I converted to completely dropping anything game related.

To those of you who read the first 10 odd posts - you broadly know my story and what set of experiences led me to where I stand today with my view on PUA. I want to talk about a slightly different angle of this. This is primarily aimed at people who are honestly trying to figure this shit out for themselves, maybe see that there is something wrong with PUA but feel people like Aaron Sleazy or the website seductionmyth.com is too extreme with it's views and that there is still some validity in at least some of the stuff which PUAs teach. I assure you there is none but I just want to talk about this for a bit.

So I am someone who never seriously indulged in routines, eliciting of her values or any of the other crap which PUAs teach. However, whenever I would use something, it would never really work. I got lots of numbers right from day 1 of cold approaching but never got anywhere with them. Ironically, times when I went the farthest with chicks was when I completely dropped game altogether and just continued talking normally to a girl who showed a lot of interest right from the beginning, contributed heavily in the interaction herself, was willing to sit with me ignoring her friends for a while etc.

When I first came across Sleazy and 60, the very first time I read them, I too thought they were too extreme. Sleazy says in Debunking that work out, dress well, be a normal social guy with friends and hobbies, pick an environment where you are comfortable and don't fuck it up with girls who like you. 60 says approach lots of girls, look for a girl who doesn't reject you and escalate fast and heavy.  That's all.

PUA community says these guys have "internalized" all the other skills so for them all this is irrelevant, but for a guy who is starting out, all the stuff they teach is important. After having a lot of the experiences I talked about earlier in this blog, I realized that there is quite a bit of merit to what Sleazy was saying but I still thought he was too extreme.

I thought there was value in stuff like doing role plays, creating the us vibe, learning how to tell good stories with emotional high and low points, make statements and never ask questions, focusing on self-improvement, inner-game, being super playful and not getting all serious, not handing out too many compliments, sending playful text messages, being a non-reactive "alpha-male" and the like. I thought maybe all this was obvious to a guy like Sleazy, but clearly I am not that good.

Then I had other experiences. In trying to be clever about what to say, teasing girls, being non-reactive to situations, focusing on self-improvement - I lost a few friends because they just thought I was being weird, there were a few instances where I did everything opposite of conventional wisdom and girls loved me (I wrote a post about this - you need to do too much). Also, I thought back to my high school days where I was this very simple innocent guy who complimented women genuinely like crazy, did a lot of AFC beta stuff, but a lot of gorgeous girls used to love me. Also, a lot of this stuff never felt natural. So I decided to drop a lot of this and started doing whatever the fuck I wanted. I was almost instantly happier and felt a lot more peaceful as a result.

By this time, a lot of this stuff had me think that absolutely nothing from PUA advice is worth it. One final thing - and this one hit me a lot - was when I saw a couple of famous PUAs talking about their current hot girl but when I met them, they were very very average. I must have turned down tens and twenties of girls of that type. This one made me really see the scam that PUA really is. At this point, I was like Sleazy is almost 100% correct that there is literally nothing about game which is useful. Interestingly, when I read Debunking again recently, I found myself agreeing 100% with everything written there when earlier, I was like yeah I agree but that Sleazy was being too extreme.

To conclude, if you think a lot of anti-PUAs are angry, bitter, preach prostitution over tons of cold approaching for rich guys, are probably not successful with girls, or they have "internalized" a lot of skills or anything else - please think again. A lot of us really just see this whole thing for what it really is. You may not agree with everything written by anti-PUAs, but slowly if you reflect on your own experiences, you will too. It's okay if you don't right now. I know I didn't at the beginning. If you are in the stage right now that you are fully immersed into PUA advice, think it is the solution to your love life - at the very least just drop in and read posts and comments at Aaron Sleazy and seductionmyth. Also remember that these guys are not selling anything. (You can argue here that Sleazy too makes money from this as he sells books and coaching, but given the smart guy Sleazy is, if he wanted to make lots of money from it, he is certainly doing a piss poor job of marketing it).

So for your own sake, read Sleazy and seductionmyth once in a while. Read what people have to say there. Maybe even try what they are proposing. Try to be a bit objective about your experiences. Slowly, you too will come to the exact same conclusions.

Measuring progress

Today I want to talk about how I feel you should measure your progress if you do indeed decide to focus on improving this area of your life. I am very surprised no one talks about this because given the amount of time PUAs expect you to be spending on this, you should definitely know if you are indeed making progress, not making progress or maybe even worsening. Only if you know whether you are improving or not, can you make appropriate changes.

So on a typical night out, contrary to what most PUAs would have you believe, most of the girls are not really looking for a guy and really, no amount of game can do anything to change that. Among other girls who anyone has a shot with, there are quite a few girls for whom you are just not their type. Some others may not want to look like a slut in front of their friends or due to a myriad of other reasons, you can't get with them no matter how good your "game" becomes. So basically, there are only a small handful of women you actually have a shot with.

So statistically speaking, most of your approaches are going to end up in rejections no matter what you do. Your only focus should thus be what you do when you come across a woman you have a shot with. When you get rejected right from the off or situations when the girl is being polite with you but is across not interested, there is actually nothing you can learn from those situations. And there is nothing to be improved there. Of course, there is something to be said about who and where you are approaching if you approach 50 women and everyone turns you down instantly, but barring that, only focus on how well you do when you come across a woman who likes you. There is not much worth learning from rejections nor can you improve much other than try to identify these women in the first place and not approach them at all.

This is another of the major problems with PUA, i.e. the focus is fucked up. If you go around approaching indiscriminately as PUAs recommend and then you worry about why you get shot down a lot, then clearly something is amiss. Since you are focused on this, thus when you come across a girl who likes you instantly, you are not focused on making it happen with her.

So basically just focus on how well you are doing with women who like you. This is the aspect in which you should see regular improvements in your results. Of course, there is something to be said about improving odds pre-approach (pre-screening, working out, dressing well, right venue selection) but in terms of actual approaches, this is what should occupy all of your focus.

If I look at my own results, I can clearly see that I have improved a lot and fairly consistently. I still remember very vividly the first time I was close-dancing and grinding with a girl. It felt so awesome. However I was barely able to muster up the courage to have a chat with her later, much less, make a serious move on her. This has improved steadily. Slowly I was able to actually pull girls closer to me while dancing, then I was able to hold steady eye contact, nowadays I am able to run my hand through her hair, hold her close to me and look at her in the eye. I am able to ask these girls out on dates now and flirt a bit. I feel more comfortable taking the conversation in a sexual direction and am able to do it earlier. I am also able to ask these women to come home with me, which I was not able to muster up the courage to do earlier.

Of course, there is a lot more to improve but I now that I feel I am looking at the right metric, I am not in a state of confusion and I know that I am making progress. Because of that, my mood is also better, I am not constantly frustrated. And this is what I now feel game and self-improvement in this area is primarily about. Getting over your own fears and anxieties and just expressing yourself.

What I wish is that someone is the PUA community had told me this earlier. This way I would have known not to approach indiscriminately, would have realized that a large chunk of rejections doesn't mean anything, that what you say etc. hardly matters. What matters is how to get over your fears and escalate on girls who like you. Looking back, there were so many women who liked me but I fucked it up because I was focused on the wrong things. Also looking back at the women who liked me, I am actually very happy with the quality of those women.

It's also very liberating to know that there isn't much you can do when approaching which can take a girl from someone who would not fuck you to suddenly getting horny for you. So I guess what game comes down to is just pinging a lot of women in a short amount of time. When you see a girl who likes you, escalate. Over time, you will get more smooth with your escalations, you will be able to ask more women out on dates, you will learn to identify shy girls who actually like you from the bitchy ones, you will become bolder and overall, you will start going farther with these women and be able to convert a larger fraction of these women.

Purpose of PUA

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now and right before I was going to post it, Sleazy beat me to it with almost the exact content I was writing myself. So instead of repeating everything, I will refer you to this awesome blog post - Why Cold Approaching is pretty much useless

Now that Sleazy has stolen my thunder, I will just add on to that content and offer my own views on related matters. As a side note, some of you might feel that things are already starting to get repetitive on this blog (at least that is what I feel - that I am sort of just repeating the key messages over and over). Thus, after this post, I will most likely be posting very infrequently and possibly only when I get a flash of inspiration or a flash of irritation (after hearing/reading some BS PUA article).

I want to talk about what I feel the purpose of any dating coaching or PUA advice should be. So IMO, the point of PUA is to maximize the quality and quantity of women you can get in your life with the least amount of effort on your part. The effort consists of everything you put in - money, time, loss of mental peace, opportunity cost of doing something else with that time and money.

When you view most of PUA in this light, you will probably come to the same conclusion which Sleazy does in that post - that cold approaching is pretty much useless. The way cold approach is typically advised - going to popular mainstream clubs on popular nights and approaching 10 chicks a night indiscriminately - a lot of activities are better than that in the sense that they offer potential for better returns or involve much less effort for the same potential return.

Take examples like dancing, yoga, playing intramural sports, art lessons like painting etc. - they all offer you the potential to meet very attractive and much higher quality women in a much easier fashion, you pick up an interesting hobby which you will potentially enjoy and maybe excel in, make interesting friends, the environment is not hostile, it might help you improve your health and fitness, it is certainly not damaging to your mental health - so clearly by now you can guess why I prefer this route. 

Lets go one lever deeper and look at individual pieces of advic. Venue selection - going to salsa parties or jazz clubs or things like Alumni events - they are all superior to mainstream clubs as it is much easier to start conversations with people, easier to make friends, easier to pick up chicks. Street game - once again, places like parks, or some daytime concerts are much better than running around on streets. 

Other stuff which people do or come up with advice around dealing with situations like these. "hard sets" - once again, there is just absolutely no point is trying to be all macho and going after hard sets if there is an easier set around. Purpose is to make the whole thing super easy and fun - not the other way around. So far we have not even explicitly talked about how constantly cold approaching is damaging to your psyche, your self-esteem, makes you weird etc. and how just going to places you truly enjoy helps a lot with that. This is exactly why a lot of PUA sites have articles on dealing with emotional ups and downs, how this is a "journey" etc. These guys have taken social life, partying, hitting on chicks, going out etc. from being among the most fun set of things which a guy or girl can indulge in, and made it into this super hard thing. And no, it is and should be fun. 

Now if someone tells me that they have plenty of time and energy, but no money to spend to activities - even then I am going to say "sarging" is useless. Even here, it is much much better to spend time on being something like becoming a club promoter, or just making friends with a few rich guys and spending time getting girls to those parties, or bartending etc. which is a fun way of meeting a lot of girls in a very easy fashion. 

The only reason I feel you should be doing cold approaching is if it can be seamlessly integrated into your lifestyle, like say, you are out grocery shopping and you see a girl you like so you go talk to her. Or you are out with some friends at some club and there are women there who you like, so you go talk to them. Freeing up a few hours on your calendar with the sole purpose that you will go talk to chicks is not something which I feel anyone should do, no matter what your situation, if for no other reason then simply because there are infinitely better options available!

Fake anti-pua PUAs

There is a phenomenon which I am noticing these days that a lot of PUAs are catching on the fake anti-pua train. Let me explain what I mean by that. They will a have few customary posts on how PUA doesn't work, how looks are not nearly as unimportant as "other PUAs" claim, it's really a numbers game in the end but still dude, game works! All of what RSD, LS etc. are teaching about game is crap but dude, here, take my advice, it works!

Before I write further, I would like people to read this particular comment written on some website (I am not saying the website is good or not, but just this comment is really nice) - http://omegavirginrevolt.wordpress.com/2012/02/23/how-many-conspiracy-theories-come-from-feminists/#comment-5175. This comment shows how even guys who claim to be somewhat honest, are still crap.

Lets look at some examples of PUAs who are on the fake anti-pua train - First up, Sinn. He has a few posts con how he hates Style, how he hates the other PUAs giving crappy advice etc. etc. but then he comes up with a post called 5 Types of Cold Reads. Like really dude?! And you are saying "other PUAs are crap".

Then Rob Judge. He claims repeatedly on his website that PUA is dead, PUA advice is crap etc. etc. and then comes up with a product in which he sells a "FERA system" to getting women, which is focus, emotion, rapport and arousal (Sounds suspiciously similar to Mystery Method, does it?). Then gives advice like you should you use "Statement Roulette", "3 step and spin", sells products saying 7 steps to get women, secrets to getting FHM cover hot models bending over backward for you etc.

Another random website which I came across - Why I hate a PUA. Imagine a guy writing an article like this and selling or affiliate marketing a product at the bottom with the tag line - Ask her these 3 questions scientists use to get laid… And you’ll get her, every time! Click here to discover a ‘simple trick’, so you can see inside any woman’s mind and know exactly what she is thinking about you.. Instantly and absolutely free.” (He earlier had this tag there, seems to have removed it now. Some other dude actually commented on this same thing) 

I can give lots of lots of such examples. Take Dj Fuji. He seems like one of the guys probably at the forefront of seemingly-legit-PUA-but-actually-not movement. He says you should work on your fundamentals etc. and then says while coaching, he will give you a customized routine stack to "automate your verbals". He says you should have reasonably standards then says on his website - "How a 5'4" tubby asian pulls models, strippers and blazing sex goddesses from hottest clubs and can teach you how to do the same in three short days". He was also defending himself (unsuccessfully) on PUA in some convo and saying that he will demonstrate the "hardest" set of the night (No words can describe how much is wrong in even spending even a moment of your focus on such a thing), how when he meets 10 clients, 4 of them hate him but 6 like him and he focuses on those.

To conclude, please stay as far away from PUAs as possible. Even if someone seems somewhat legit and claims that "other PUA stuff" doesn't work or he doesn't really think of himself as a PUA (Zan Perrion comes to mind and yes, he is just as bad as others, probably much worse), he is still almost certainly a total scam.

Constantly social women

For most practical purposes, I have completely stopped reading any PUA site/PUA blog. However, if anytime I do read something (http://sinnsofattraction.blogspot.in/2012/04/girls-as-options-traders.html) I get enraged at the bullshit which people write and seriously makes me question if we are indeed living in the same real world.

I want to write about one these notions which exists in PUA about how "attractive women" are supposedly always going out, they are always meeting other guys, if you plan dates - it better be on a Monday or a Tuesday night because her social calendar is so bloody full or every other day, better do something super interesting so that she is compelled to say yes, send out clever date invites like "up for a game of pool with NYC weirdos and soccer moms" (this is from my favorite PUA coach Rob Judge), if you don't make yourself sound really interesting then well she meets all these other guys who she is going to fuck instead etc. etc.

Well I don't know which world do these PUA coaches live in but in my world, going out a lot and being social needs time, energy and most importantly, MONEY! If a girl has money to go out a lot, that would usually mean she has a decent job, which by default means she won't have all the time in world. The only activity I imagine may not need money is if a girl goes clubbing where she can mooch off of some club promoter. That's it.

Theory apart, my own experience says that most women keep complaining a lot about how they never meet any decent guy, have not gone on a serious date for a while, haven't got laid in a while (I am sure a lot of guys would have experienced this that when they start having sex with a new girl, a lot of times it seems like she just can't get enough of it). It's a huge reason why girls when they get into a relationship just don't want to let go because to find another decent guy is a lot of work. The percentage of girls who are constantly out, constantly socializing, always going out on dates etc. is very very small (I am going to estimate this number is in single digits).

Now lets talk about my own "social calendar". I work a stressful job on the weekdays and so I am usually a bit tired after work and don't exactly possess lots and lots of energy. I have hobbies which I pursue which needs time, I have normal friends which I like to meet as well. So well, I don't exactly have a lot of time on weekdays. Plus, I am not going to schedule everything in my life around meeting women.

Now lets talk about scheduling dates. Schedule them whenever the fuck you are free. If you are only free during the weekends, ask her out on the weekends. If she is not free and assuming she likes you, you guys will be able to figure out a time which works for both of you. If she lives far from you, well of course you won't schedule it next to your place. This is not so that you make it easy for her to say yes (This sounds too much like oh please lord, I hope she says yes), but simply because you want something which works for both of you! (At least that is what normal human beings do)

This is a concept which somehow PUAs never seem to understand. Dating only works if BOTH OF YOU WANT IT. If she likes you, she wants to meet you to, she wants to go out on a date with you and thus she will work with you not against. You are not working against the girl nor are you trying to sneakily get her to say yes, nor are you sneakily going to put your dick inside her pussy without her realizing it. So just fucking stop trying to be so clever and put so much pressure on yourself.

All of the dates I have been on, the girls are extremely happy to work with you to arrange a mutually convenient time and place. This is normal person behavior. If you read PUA articles it would start seeming like if you find a normal girl who does these things, then you have found someone special. I assure you that's not the case. Normal people are the norm and not crazy weirdos.

One other thing I want to mention. Look at the article I referenced. It's a very typical example of how they sweep 99% percent of what matters under the rug and focus on the 1%. In this article, he says ignore cases where you emotionally connected with the girl or she is new to town or she doesn't know many people or you met her through friends or she is single or actively looking to date. So basically, he is giving advice on what to do about women who you did not emotionally connect with, she is not new to town, she knows a lot of people, you did not meet her through friends, she is not single and not actively looking to date. I leave you to decide how much is wrong with that.

You need to do too much

I want to write about another point today which I have a major issue with - this notion of what is right while talking to a girl, what is wrong, what you should do and what you shouldn't, and how all of this is just too much and hurts guys a lot!

Guys say that you should never use self-deprecating jokes and then say that you should show some vulnerability so that she sees you as a real person. That you should only text girls after meeting them and never call them, how you should only ask girls out casually for dates and never seriously, never send longer text messages that what she sends you,some dude says you should include smiles in your text and another says never use them, how you should only tell stories where it seems that girls chase you and that you never do, only give her light-hearted compliments and not in a beta guy style way telling her how awesome she is.

Then how you should be non-reactive when a girl shit-tests you like you never get affected by anything, never react emotionally in front of women, how all women only like "alpha" males..

Then there are other set of guys who actually try to reconcile the differences in theory about how and when to behave like a beta and when an alpha, when you can call a girl and when you can only text, when you can compliment her and when you can't, when you can vulnerable in front of her and when you should act all "alpha", when you should act like a player and when like a genuine person etc. etc.

Don't even get me started on push-pull, being caveman, being in state, NLP, cocky funny, doing role plays, creating the "us" vibe and what not ( I honestly don't even know properly what half these things really mean).

My point is, all of this is too much. Most of this shit doesn't matter at all and in an attempt to employ this, guys just become socially awkward and out of touch with their own personalities. Just do whatever the fuck you want. Some girl "shit-tests" you, and you didn't like it - tell her she is bitch. Feel free to use self-deprecating jokes if you want to. Feel free to call a girl if you feel like speaking to her. Feel free to overtly compliment her to the point of embarrassment if you think she looks gorgeous. Feel free to tell a story in which you did something totally stupid and embarrassing. Feel free to indulge in boring beta like conversation by asking her what she does for a living and how her weekend was. Just do whatever the fuck you want man.

This notion that there are so many things you should do and ones which you shouldn't is possibly the exact things which you shouldn't be telling a guy who is already too nervous to talk to women and too much in his head.

As I am distancing myself more and more from the community, I find myself doing a lot of things which are strongly advised against by the community but things which I feel like doing, and in the process I actually feel much happier and I tend to connect better with women.

I will give you a few examples from my own life. I am someone who likes to complement women a lot. I also tend to use some self-deprecating jokes every now and then. I used to do this earlier in high school, but completely stopped after college because this was a very beta and AFC thing to do. What happened was that a lot of such advice put together, I lost a lot genuineness and spontaneity which I had.

There was this beautiful girl who used to come to my dance classes and who was an absolutely fantastic dancer. I was also intimidated because of this aspect and never asked her to dance. I always felt like complementing her because she was so good but never did because I thought this was a very AFC/beta thing to do. One day she was sitting next to me, I thought fuck it, told her she was such an amazing dancer because of that I was always intimidated and never asked her to dance with me. She blushed so hard, we danced that night and chatted a lot. Another night I came to the party really drunk and then danced with her, kept holding her really hard and was generally very awkward. Then told her that I am really drunk and am not going to torture you with another song (Another super beta thing PUAs will say). Somehow after that night, she just never let go of me. When I would come to the party, she would just drop whatever the fuck she was doing and give me a huge hug, kiss me on my cheeks, danced a lot with me, introduced me to her friends etc. You get the point.

There was another instance when I was at a salsa party while on I was on vacation, there was this super hot Spanish salsa instructor who was dancing awesomely and in a very seductive way. She was one those intimidatingly hot women (easily one of the hottest I have seen in real life and I have been to a lot of upscale clubs in quite a few big cities of the world) which I would typically not dare talk to unless I had some liquid courage (I was somewhat drunk when I said this). I told her that I had come there wanting to dance and that I will show off my skills but after her intimidating performance I feel so stupid and wouldn't dare step on the floor. A very very far cry from a non-reactive, super alpha dude but something which I genuinely felt at that moment. Something amazing happened after I said that. She suddenly started acting like a little girl, grabbed my hand and we started talking. We danced a bit, I was clearly no match for her (She's done salsa seriously for 15 years, I have probably done salsa seriously for 15 weeks), but she bared with me. We made out later that night. Because I was on vacation and was leaving for another city next afternoon I couldn't get the logistics in place. 

Point is, just do whatever the fuck you want man. From these instances, I am not trying to say that overtly complimenting women gets you more of them, or doing XYZ is better - but that just do whatever the fuck you really want.

Just keep things basic in your head - dress well, talk to women you like, see if she seems to like you, and if yes, move things forward either physically there and then, or maybe isolate her or ask her out on a date.Other than this, literally just do whatever the fuck you want. Over a period of time, you will learn from your experience and refine your style. The main problem is that guys censor themselves too much and trying to follow a bunch of rules just further puts them in their head.