Monday, 21 January 2013

Will she act on her interest?

I know one commonly preached advice in the dating advice industry is that you should aim to max one self out in terms of say, physique, looks, style, conversation skills, lifestyle etc. in order to improve your dating life. While the advice is valid, I am going to tell you in this post that beyond a basic level, assuming you have modest guy goals of having a decent dating life (and not to say bang Maxim cover models, or fuck 100 chicks etc ), all this shit won't help you much. If you have a done a basic job of all these items and are still not getting anywhere with women, the problem is very likely got nothing to do with you and primarily with your environment and the chicks around you. Let me explain a bit more.

Think about the last time you went to a shopping mall or a bar or some activity or even just spent a day around walking or something. How many women were there which you think you would be reasonably happy to have sex with? If you live in a decently large city, my guess is that there were many many such chicks. Now while I am not a woman, my guess is that primarily it is pretty much the same with women. That they too see many many guys who they would be more than happy to have sex with. However, they don't actually do it. So basically if you are meeting even a somewhat reasonable number of women in your life, the issue is not really about attraction. The issue is whether she will act on her attraction.

Let me give you a few examples. So just a few days ago, I was chatting with this girl on Facebook. She was saying that she broke up with this guy. I tell her that to her mind off things, it might be a good idea to find another guy. One thing leads to another, she proposes a casual no string attached relationship. I am like okay. We decide to meet up the next day for drinks. The next day she cancels a few hours before giving some lame ass excuse. This girl has done the same once before as well. I know she likes me a lot. The problem however is her own fucked up head. For whatever reasons which is beyond me, she just won't commit to having sex with me.

Another example. I am at this event talking to a girl. She is showing mad interest in me. She is touching me constantly on my shoulders, things, forearms etc.. Sitting next to me with our thighs touching when there is ample space for her to move into. All this while I don't touch her once. Then I look at her in a clear sexual way put my arms around her shoulder. She freaks out and leaves.

I am sure all of you have had similar experiences. The thing here is not whether she likes you or not (almost certainly she does). The question really comes down to whether she is willing to act on it or not. This is where other shit like socio-cultural programming, childhood experiences, peer pressure all come into play.

This aspect is also interesting to me because I travel a bit. I remember the first time I met a girl in a bar in New York and literally after talking to her for like 20 seconds, I took her arm and pulled to the other side of the room. She happily followed. I was literally shocked because this would never happen in my country. A girl would just never be so trusting of a random guy. I felt something similar when the first time I met a girl for like 2 mins I had to leave with friends to another bar and when I told her to come, she came along. Or when a girl agreed for a date after chatting with me for 10 mins.

The me in different situations doesn't change. Only change is the girl in question. Some more happily act on their interest. Others don't. So naturally when you are in an environment or with girls who will happily act on their interest, things will naturally move along much faster and much farther, compared to other cases. This is also why you find that girls on vacation are much easier. It's simply that when they like a guy, they are much more willing to actually carry through with it. Or girls are much sluttier in college. Simply because it is socially acceptable to fuck random dudes. It's not that they rarely meet fuckable guys later.Or that married women are easier.

Even within the same city, some environments are much more open than others. I have some gay friends and they took me to a gay party once. I literally saw a whole bunch of people of guys pulling other guys into bathrooms when frankly, it's something I have very rarely seen otherwise in my country. Everyone was also very friends and talking to each other whereas in most bars here, people stick to their own groups. I have also seen that in general that girls who work in the entertainment or fashion industry are more open than the average girls.

Anyway, my take home point is this - if you are a guy who has done at least some basic level of work on his foundations and are still not getting much in terms of women, the reason almost certainly is not you. Yes you can work even more on that physique, buy even fancier clothing, escalate even faster and more aggressively and what not, but most likely, things are not going to change much. However, if you instead met a bunch of girls or were in an environment where things move much more easily, the same you will have drastically different success. So basically, don't beat yourself over girls, especially if you are a guy who has some basics handled but still don't get much

Friday, 18 January 2013

At what point is "Game" not worth it?

The question I want to ask everyone in this post is this - at what point does going out primarily for the purpose of gaming women become not worth it?

I know most people who get into PUA definitely question whether spending all this time, money and effort on this is worth it. Forget PUAs, even general guys who chase women a lot through different means, do question at some point whether it's worth the trouble. I hope this post will help them.

So the way I look at this is very simple - there is a certain dollar value estimate of my time in opportunity cost terms. There is a certain value I associate with getting a chick. If dollar value of time spent is greater than the value I get from it, it is not worth it.

For the purpose of a crude sample calculation, let's say I value my time at $20 an hour. Say I value getting a chick at $200 (roughly the cost of a decent escort per hour). So basically what I am saying is that on an average, if I don't get a girl for every 10 hours I put in, then it is not worth it. 10 hours roughly translates to 3 nights of going out.

Now these would be different for different people. Maybe you really enjoy going to the venues you go to. That brings down the effective opportunity cost. Maybe you are a broke homeless guy, so your opportunity cost is lower. Maybe you value getting chicks from a random approach highly. So your value is much higher. Maybe you are on vacation, maybe you have a business to work on - there are a bunch of factors. Maybe for you a bunch of intangibles matter a lot. Maybe you feel right now it is not worth it, but pretty soon, you will get the hang of this thing, and it will then be worth it.

Whatever the case might be and whatever your numbers might be, the point just becomes this - decide a certain success rate for yourself. If you are not getting at least that, then just quit. Say it is making out with at least one chick for every two nights I go out. Getting one chick home for every 6 nights I go out. It needn't just be chicks though. Maybe you went out and found amazing guy who hit it off really well with, and are likely to become each others BFFs. Whatever it is. Just fix on something. If you are not hitting that consistently, seriously, just quit.

If I give you my own example, I am not a particularly stand out attractive guy, so if I were approaching chicks randomly it would take me fair amount of time to get one (on an average). I also have a business to work on, I have a couple of side interests I indulge in, have some friends to hang out with. The country I live in is also fairly conservative. Thus for me, generally speaking, committing a bunch of time from my schedule exclusively for the purpose of approaching random women is just not worth it.

For others, maybe you have a bunch of time on your hands. Maybe you live in a city or are involved in a niche where women are in general very open to fucking random guys. Maybe you are a tall and very good looking guy. For a guy like this, it makes much more sense to go out in the pursuit of pussy.

For most people though, I am sure if they did a calculation like this, they would realize that for them spending a bunch of time exclusively on women is most likely not worth it.

Thursday, 17 January 2013

Book based on this blog

So Aaron Sleazy and I collaborated and produced a free book based on this blog. There are a lot of changes though, the content is better edited, it is better organized and there are many new chapters as well. So even if you have read my blog, I would recommend you going through the book as well. And well, it is free.

You can download it from this post on Sleazy's website

While on this topic, I am thinking that if there is enough interest generated from this book, I might do a few posts as well on this blog. Topics which have been on my mind for a while but I decided to not write about them because a bunch of reasons including laziness.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the book. Do drop in a line or two about what you thought of the book!