Thursday, 3 May 2012

Boyfriends and One-night stands

I want to write about a set of items which seems to be very commonly preached throughout the PUA community but something which I have never quite understood. It's this obsession with one-night stands, not being slotted into a "boyfriend" role, not wanting to spend any money on dates, not wanting to go out on dates, wanting super fast lays and the like.

Lets talk about my own experiences first. So till date, I have had 3 one-night stands. Two of these were when I was on vacation and one was a local thing where the girl had a fiancee in another country and who just wanted to get laid for a night. Other than these, every other girl I have ever got, I have entered into some sort of a "relationship" with. Most of the time it's a casual/open type of a relationship where we meet each other periodically, have fun and have sex. I genuinely enjoy spending time with these women. I don't understand why one would want to have sex with a girl just once, when it is the initial effort which is the largest. I can imagine it maybe fine for a guy who has all the time in the world, or you are on vacation - but otherwise, why wouldn't you want a regular girl who you enjoy?

I similarly don't understand why guys don't want girlfriends. Seriously, what exactly is wrong with having a girl who is fun, whose company you enjoy, who introduces you to a bunch of people and who you can have sex with at least semi-regularly? You know just because you are in a "relationship", doesn't mean you can never flirt with another woman ever in your life, nor does it mean you have to get married to her or have kids with her. Do you rather prefer going out and playing the numbers game constantly?

Then not wanting to spend money on dates. I understand that one shouldn't feel the need to necessarily take girls out on expensive dates but if you do make decent money (which I do), what's the problem with spending some cash? There are plenty of places I really enjoy which are slightly on the expensive side. Of course, I never do a date where end of night I end up resenting the amount of money I spent, but I personally don't mind spending some extra cash if it means having more fun. Given the choice between spending very little and going to a place I don't particularly enjoy and where my entire night is riding on whether I end up fucking her or not, versus spending a bit more and going to a place I know I enjoy irrespective of the girl, then I would certainly pick the latter.

Then not wanting to go out on dates and always wanting super fast lays. I wrote about this in an earlier blog post titled "understanding the local environment", but point is a) Fast lays don't always work and it depends heavily on the girl, b) Once again, sorry for repeating myself, what is the problem if you have to wait a bit longer to have sex with a girl if you enjoyed the whole time on the date as well? I guess a lot of these issues are related to the point where either guys think you need to "practice going out on dates" (very commonly preached), or you end up only getting a one-night stand and not regular sex from these dates, or you don't enjoy the girl or don't enjoy the actual date itself, but if you do - what is the problem with going out on an extra date or two? There are some random girls who do play games which you should definitely get rid of, also, going out on dates and having fun should not be an excuse to not escalate on girls, but barring that, I don't see the issue.

Anyway, to conclude, this was a post where I just put down some random thought which I had on a bunch of random topics. Point is, as I have been repeating myself a bit, do what you enjoy and not what some random internet dude is telling you especially if you don't relate with what he is saying. Of course, don't make these an excuse to not escalate, but other than that, if a certain thing feels right, then just do it. Don't listen to stupid internet dating advice.


  1. That's personal choice. Some people prefer chocolate over strawberries and vice versa. I don't get it why people like coffee because I think it tastes horrible.

    1. I agree. It is a personal choice and should be that way. I get the impression from PUA community that a lot of these things are glamorized, which is not how it should be. Go after what you want, not what some random internet dude tells you.

    2. Having a girlfriend can be a lot of hard work too, yes you get frequent sex but honestly the time you spend on dates, money you spend on dates, texting her constantly, having arguments and generally maintaining the relationship is stressful. In the early states of the relationship is fun, but after the honey moon period kicks in you both start to resent one another, things which you like you now hate.