Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Measuring progress

Today I want to talk about how I feel you should measure your progress if you do indeed decide to focus on improving this area of your life. I am very surprised no one talks about this because given the amount of time PUAs expect you to be spending on this, you should definitely know if you are indeed making progress, not making progress or maybe even worsening. Only if you know whether you are improving or not, can you make appropriate changes.

So on a typical night out, contrary to what most PUAs would have you believe, most of the girls are not really looking for a guy and really, no amount of game can do anything to change that. Among other girls who anyone has a shot with, there are quite a few girls for whom you are just not their type. Some others may not want to look like a slut in front of their friends or due to a myriad of other reasons, you can't get with them no matter how good your "game" becomes. So basically, there are only a small handful of women you actually have a shot with.

So statistically speaking, most of your approaches are going to end up in rejections no matter what you do. Your only focus should thus be what you do when you come across a woman you have a shot with. When you get rejected right from the off or situations when the girl is being polite with you but is across not interested, there is actually nothing you can learn from those situations. And there is nothing to be improved there. Of course, there is something to be said about who and where you are approaching if you approach 50 women and everyone turns you down instantly, but barring that, only focus on how well you do when you come across a woman who likes you. There is not much worth learning from rejections nor can you improve much other than try to identify these women in the first place and not approach them at all.

This is another of the major problems with PUA, i.e. the focus is fucked up. If you go around approaching indiscriminately as PUAs recommend and then you worry about why you get shot down a lot, then clearly something is amiss. Since you are focused on this, thus when you come across a girl who likes you instantly, you are not focused on making it happen with her.

So basically just focus on how well you are doing with women who like you. This is the aspect in which you should see regular improvements in your results. Of course, there is something to be said about improving odds pre-approach (pre-screening, working out, dressing well, right venue selection) but in terms of actual approaches, this is what should occupy all of your focus.

If I look at my own results, I can clearly see that I have improved a lot and fairly consistently. I still remember very vividly the first time I was close-dancing and grinding with a girl. It felt so awesome. However I was barely able to muster up the courage to have a chat with her later, much less, make a serious move on her. This has improved steadily. Slowly I was able to actually pull girls closer to me while dancing, then I was able to hold steady eye contact, nowadays I am able to run my hand through her hair, hold her close to me and look at her in the eye. I am able to ask these girls out on dates now and flirt a bit. I feel more comfortable taking the conversation in a sexual direction and am able to do it earlier. I am also able to ask these women to come home with me, which I was not able to muster up the courage to do earlier.

Of course, there is a lot more to improve but I now that I feel I am looking at the right metric, I am not in a state of confusion and I know that I am making progress. Because of that, my mood is also better, I am not constantly frustrated. And this is what I now feel game and self-improvement in this area is primarily about. Getting over your own fears and anxieties and just expressing yourself.

What I wish is that someone is the PUA community had told me this earlier. This way I would have known not to approach indiscriminately, would have realized that a large chunk of rejections doesn't mean anything, that what you say etc. hardly matters. What matters is how to get over your fears and escalate on girls who like you. Looking back, there were so many women who liked me but I fucked it up because I was focused on the wrong things. Also looking back at the women who liked me, I am actually very happy with the quality of those women.

It's also very liberating to know that there isn't much you can do when approaching which can take a girl from someone who would not fuck you to suddenly getting horny for you. So I guess what game comes down to is just pinging a lot of women in a short amount of time. When you see a girl who likes you, escalate. Over time, you will get more smooth with your escalations, you will be able to ask more women out on dates, you will learn to identify shy girls who actually like you from the bitchy ones, you will become bolder and overall, you will start going farther with these women and be able to convert a larger fraction of these women.


  1. Great post, and great blog with excellent insights, i hope you keep it up.

    I believe that finding out that a girl is into you very quickly is just as important. To do that you just escalate, and see if she accepts it or even responds positively to it. That way you dont waste your time and effort with her.

    Then when you know she is into you, you escalate further. This is where your focus should be if you want to be good, this is where you know how much you are improving. This is what you are saying, getting better with women is knowing not to losing the opportunities and take advantage of them, that are presented by women who are attracted to you.


    1. Good point. I guess I didn't think of that because I am not yet a very aggressive guy. Still end up playing relatively safe and largely escalate on women who I am relatively sure of. But yes, valid point. It's something I know I should be doing, but just not been able to get past that mental aggression barrier yet.

      Regarding my blog, yeah I hope to continue writing as quite a few people seem to like it. But I only want to write posts when I feel inspired to write about something, either negative or positive. I feel that way, the blog remains truer to who I am and what I want to express.

    2. yeah, best to write quality than quantity.

      I think the moment game kind of dropped for me, was the first time with a women when doing game. i realised it was all about escalation. This is the hardest part for most guys, puas get around it by adding all these extra things you got to do to avoid it.

      Before you escalate(grab her hand, move closer etc) you want to do it, but you are nervous, you have fear. But when you take a chance and show some courage, you realise it was nothign to be afraid about. If she dont like you, you just move one (unless you want to be friends). If she likes you, then you wonder what took you so long.

      But the real kicker is when you meet up again, or later on during the night. You will make that move (kissing her, holding her hands, hands around her waist etc) and you will do it naturally, without thinking about it. Now if you just did that before (the very first time) then life would be stress free. Even if she does not want to do it, you wont care, cause you know she is into you anyway, and you can always try again.

      If most guys just escalated with girls they were approaching, and got to this stage very quickly with the first girl that was attracted to him. I believe that they would not be stuck with PUA mental masturabation shit. 7


  2. I think this is one of the best posts I have read here. Congratulations Jhonny. You and Aaron are very inspiring for me and have given me just a little shot of common sense. Oh! but how much many guys need that!

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