Monday, 16 April 2012

PUA for the average guy

Recently, Sleazy wrote an article on why cold approaching is almost useless. It seems to have generated a huge buzz (check here, here and comments of the original post itself). Most people disagreeing with it seem to have completely missed the point of the post which is that you shouldn't approach strangers indiscriminately. Either approach people who seem open in general or people who seem interested in specifically you. Don't approach randomly.

Since I believe it is a very important topic, I want to write a bit more about it. Now, before someone accuses me of being a Sleazy fanboy (feel free to do so if you want to), I would appreciate if you read this post and just reflect on your own experiences.

This is another point which PUA community seems to miss completely (By now I have said this statement so many times) and that is, who is the target audience. To give a background, by a lot of different statistics, average number of sexual partners is around 7, in a LIFETIME. (Just as a side note, some surveys say average for guys and girls are different. Assuming a large fraction of sex is done between one man and one woman, and that number of men and women around the world are roughly similar, theoretically, this number should be the same). Generally average is influenced heavily by outliers, therefore, the median is probably lower. I will let you draw your own conclusions from these basic stats but it is safe to say that fucking 20 new women a year is far from the thoughts of any average guy.

Now I like to think of myself as an average guy with relatively modest goals. My whole thing with PUA was that I wanted to feel more comfortable and confident about my love life and around women, bang a few women here and there, and then settle down with a high quality girl. I think it's safe to say most guys too have similar ambitions.

All the stuff which I have shared on this blog and spirit of Sleazy's post is in a similar light. It is all meant for the average guy. It is not necessarily for the guy who wants to fuck a new woman a week. I believe even for a guy like that this advice is well suited, but I can't say for sure because I am not that guy.

Now to become a guy who gets a few high quality women a year (As a side note, most women most PUAs get are far from quality but that's a separate point), you really do not need to get to a stage where you have absolutely zero approach anxiety, social anxiety and sexual anxiety, you do not need to be able to get 5 make outs every time you go out, where you are completely immune to rejection, where you are able to approach the hardest sets, where you can convert 90% of your first dates, have sex with every girl within an hour of getting to know her, where you know how give a girl 10 orgasms in 20 minutes etc.

Simply going out a bit, pursuing hobbies, having fun with friends and asking girls who seem interested in you out on dates, you should be more than good to go. This is what most average guys want anyway. It's one thing to say that you are out for some work or something else, see a girl you like and so you try to chat her up, but constantly going out with the sole purpose of meeting women is not something which I would recommend for anyone.

The primarily value of cold approaching as I see it is that it shows you that you can actually approach strangers. This aspect of your personality is also much better cultivated in a warmer scenario because people are much more friendly. It's high time people realize that it takes two to tango.

Also if you are never able to get dates from your social circle or warm approaches, then generally speaking, your problems are not girls related. It is almost certainly something else. So before you do anything else, literally handle your basics first. Once you can do the basic stuff first and are able to get a few girls from there (basically achieve average guy goals), then go do whatever the fuck you want. However, I have a strong feeling that if people actually did this, most of them would actually not bother with PUA after that.


  1. All the stuff which I have shared on this blog and spirit of Sleazy's post is in a similar light. It is all meant for the average guy. It is not necessarily for the guy who wants to fuck a new woman a week. I believe even for a guy like that this advice is well suited, but I can't say for sure because I am not that guy.

    Even guys who do that don't approach indiscriminately. They tend to do it through either massive networks (extended social circles)... or they have a style of quickly filtering women out (only go for DTF women). They never approach indiscriminately.

  2. Alek is right. You have to quickly figure out whether she seems sexually interested or not. If she's not, you move on. This only works if you go to a large club, or if you go out in an area where there are a lot of bars and clubs, like the East End in London. You can't hit on too many women in one venue because otherwise, you'll look like a creep.

    This is not all as bad as it sounds because with enough experience, you can quickly evaluate whether an interaction could go somewhere, and you may only have to go through three or four women until you can take one home. This kind of game probably only works in very large cities, though, or in tourist destinations.

  3. Johnny, no comment on this particular post, but I want to thank you for what you've helped me realize the past couple days. Like you, my friends and I all went to top schools and have great but demanding jobs in a big city. None of us ever associated with the PUA community but I don't think that matters; your message applies to a wider audience. We've all approached life the same way, wasting so much precious free time in bars with one obvious, misguided objective. During a study break yesterday, I stumbled across your blog and immediately passed it on to one of my best friends. We dropped everything, read your posts start to finish, skipped the bars last night, woke up early this morning generally feeling awesome, and have already made plans to pursue passions we've put off for too long. We're already joking "WWJD?" and I know I speak for both of us when I say, this is a turning point. If you're ever back in New York I owe you a beer.

  4. @Mike - Glad you like it man. There is always something I feel one should be doing which you truly enjoy. For me, bars and clubs are good fun but I feel empty if that is the only thing which I am doing in life.

    Also, if the only reason I go to a bar/club is to meet a girl but don't actually enjoy the place, then I hate it if I don't actually get far with some chick (which is what happens a lot of times).

    Keep me updated how things go with you and your friend. I would love hear about it.

  5. It's about filtering out girls that will reject you and ONLY cold approaching girls whom have personalities that are drawn to you.

  6. Your blog is very useful for me,Thanks for your sharing.