Monday, 9 April 2012

Purpose of PUA

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now and right before I was going to post it, Sleazy beat me to it with almost the exact content I was writing myself. So instead of repeating everything, I will refer you to this awesome blog post - Why Cold Approaching is pretty much useless

Now that Sleazy has stolen my thunder, I will just add on to that content and offer my own views on related matters. As a side note, some of you might feel that things are already starting to get repetitive on this blog (at least that is what I feel - that I am sort of just repeating the key messages over and over). Thus, after this post, I will most likely be posting very infrequently and possibly only when I get a flash of inspiration or a flash of irritation (after hearing/reading some BS PUA article).

I want to talk about what I feel the purpose of any dating coaching or PUA advice should be. So IMO, the point of PUA is to maximize the quality and quantity of women you can get in your life with the least amount of effort on your part. The effort consists of everything you put in - money, time, loss of mental peace, opportunity cost of doing something else with that time and money.

When you view most of PUA in this light, you will probably come to the same conclusion which Sleazy does in that post - that cold approaching is pretty much useless. The way cold approach is typically advised - going to popular mainstream clubs on popular nights and approaching 10 chicks a night indiscriminately - a lot of activities are better than that in the sense that they offer potential for better returns or involve much less effort for the same potential return.

Take examples like dancing, yoga, playing intramural sports, art lessons like painting etc. - they all offer you the potential to meet very attractive and much higher quality women in a much easier fashion, you pick up an interesting hobby which you will potentially enjoy and maybe excel in, make interesting friends, the environment is not hostile, it might help you improve your health and fitness, it is certainly not damaging to your mental health - so clearly by now you can guess why I prefer this route. 

Lets go one lever deeper and look at individual pieces of advic. Venue selection - going to salsa parties or jazz clubs or things like Alumni events - they are all superior to mainstream clubs as it is much easier to start conversations with people, easier to make friends, easier to pick up chicks. Street game - once again, places like parks, or some daytime concerts are much better than running around on streets. 

Other stuff which people do or come up with advice around dealing with situations like these. "hard sets" - once again, there is just absolutely no point is trying to be all macho and going after hard sets if there is an easier set around. Purpose is to make the whole thing super easy and fun - not the other way around. So far we have not even explicitly talked about how constantly cold approaching is damaging to your psyche, your self-esteem, makes you weird etc. and how just going to places you truly enjoy helps a lot with that. This is exactly why a lot of PUA sites have articles on dealing with emotional ups and downs, how this is a "journey" etc. These guys have taken social life, partying, hitting on chicks, going out etc. from being among the most fun set of things which a guy or girl can indulge in, and made it into this super hard thing. And no, it is and should be fun. 

Now if someone tells me that they have plenty of time and energy, but no money to spend to activities - even then I am going to say "sarging" is useless. Even here, it is much much better to spend time on being something like becoming a club promoter, or just making friends with a few rich guys and spending time getting girls to those parties, or bartending etc. which is a fun way of meeting a lot of girls in a very easy fashion. 

The only reason I feel you should be doing cold approaching is if it can be seamlessly integrated into your lifestyle, like say, you are out grocery shopping and you see a girl you like so you go talk to her. Or you are out with some friends at some club and there are women there who you like, so you go talk to them. Freeing up a few hours on your calendar with the sole purpose that you will go talk to chicks is not something which I feel anyone should do, no matter what your situation, if for no other reason then simply because there are infinitely better options available!


  1. I think part of the discussion is that the term "cold approaching" is itself not well defined.

    What do we mean by "cold approaching" is useless? Does that mean "approaching any women outside of social contexts"

    Or does it mean "approaching women who don't look open to being approached"

    I'd use two more precise phrasings:

    -> Approaching strangers
    -> Approaching indiscriminately

    I think we should move away from PUA terms altogether, unless we're mocking them :)

    Here's what I'd say

    -> There are ways of productively meeting strangers as part of your lifestyle*

    -> Indiscriminate approaching strangers however is useless

    -> Indiscriminate approaching in social contexts is very good

    1. Yeah, I think this is a much more useful breakdown. Clarifies things a lot

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. Not letting people spoil my blog's comment section with garbage shit only for the purpose of backlinks