Sunday, 1 April 2012

You need to do too much

I want to write about another point today which I have a major issue with - this notion of what is right while talking to a girl, what is wrong, what you should do and what you shouldn't, and how all of this is just too much and hurts guys a lot!

Guys say that you should never use self-deprecating jokes and then say that you should show some vulnerability so that she sees you as a real person. That you should only text girls after meeting them and never call them, how you should only ask girls out casually for dates and never seriously, never send longer text messages that what she sends you,some dude says you should include smiles in your text and another says never use them, how you should only tell stories where it seems that girls chase you and that you never do, only give her light-hearted compliments and not in a beta guy style way telling her how awesome she is.

Then how you should be non-reactive when a girl shit-tests you like you never get affected by anything, never react emotionally in front of women, how all women only like "alpha" males..

Then there are other set of guys who actually try to reconcile the differences in theory about how and when to behave like a beta and when an alpha, when you can call a girl and when you can only text, when you can compliment her and when you can't, when you can vulnerable in front of her and when you should act all "alpha", when you should act like a player and when like a genuine person etc. etc.

Don't even get me started on push-pull, being caveman, being in state, NLP, cocky funny, doing role plays, creating the "us" vibe and what not ( I honestly don't even know properly what half these things really mean).

My point is, all of this is too much. Most of this shit doesn't matter at all and in an attempt to employ this, guys just become socially awkward and out of touch with their own personalities. Just do whatever the fuck you want. Some girl "shit-tests" you, and you didn't like it - tell her she is bitch. Feel free to use self-deprecating jokes if you want to. Feel free to call a girl if you feel like speaking to her. Feel free to overtly compliment her to the point of embarrassment if you think she looks gorgeous. Feel free to tell a story in which you did something totally stupid and embarrassing. Feel free to indulge in boring beta like conversation by asking her what she does for a living and how her weekend was. Just do whatever the fuck you want man.

This notion that there are so many things you should do and ones which you shouldn't is possibly the exact things which you shouldn't be telling a guy who is already too nervous to talk to women and too much in his head.

As I am distancing myself more and more from the community, I find myself doing a lot of things which are strongly advised against by the community but things which I feel like doing, and in the process I actually feel much happier and I tend to connect better with women.

I will give you a few examples from my own life. I am someone who likes to complement women a lot. I also tend to use some self-deprecating jokes every now and then. I used to do this earlier in high school, but completely stopped after college because this was a very beta and AFC thing to do. What happened was that a lot of such advice put together, I lost a lot genuineness and spontaneity which I had.

There was this beautiful girl who used to come to my dance classes and who was an absolutely fantastic dancer. I was also intimidated because of this aspect and never asked her to dance. I always felt like complementing her because she was so good but never did because I thought this was a very AFC/beta thing to do. One day she was sitting next to me, I thought fuck it, told her she was such an amazing dancer because of that I was always intimidated and never asked her to dance with me. She blushed so hard, we danced that night and chatted a lot. Another night I came to the party really drunk and then danced with her, kept holding her really hard and was generally very awkward. Then told her that I am really drunk and am not going to torture you with another song (Another super beta thing PUAs will say). Somehow after that night, she just never let go of me. When I would come to the party, she would just drop whatever the fuck she was doing and give me a huge hug, kiss me on my cheeks, danced a lot with me, introduced me to her friends etc. You get the point.

There was another instance when I was at a salsa party while on I was on vacation, there was this super hot Spanish salsa instructor who was dancing awesomely and in a very seductive way. She was one those intimidatingly hot women (easily one of the hottest I have seen in real life and I have been to a lot of upscale clubs in quite a few big cities of the world) which I would typically not dare talk to unless I had some liquid courage (I was somewhat drunk when I said this). I told her that I had come there wanting to dance and that I will show off my skills but after her intimidating performance I feel so stupid and wouldn't dare step on the floor. A very very far cry from a non-reactive, super alpha dude but something which I genuinely felt at that moment. Something amazing happened after I said that. She suddenly started acting like a little girl, grabbed my hand and we started talking. We danced a bit, I was clearly no match for her (She's done salsa seriously for 15 years, I have probably done salsa seriously for 15 weeks), but she bared with me. We made out later that night. Because I was on vacation and was leaving for another city next afternoon I couldn't get the logistics in place. 

Point is, just do whatever the fuck you want man. From these instances, I am not trying to say that overtly complimenting women gets you more of them, or doing XYZ is better - but that just do whatever the fuck you really want.

Just keep things basic in your head - dress well, talk to women you like, see if she seems to like you, and if yes, move things forward either physically there and then, or maybe isolate her or ask her out on a date.Other than this, literally just do whatever the fuck you want. Over a period of time, you will learn from your experience and refine your style. The main problem is that guys censor themselves too much and trying to follow a bunch of rules just further puts them in their head.


  1. Turns out the good old "be yourself" advice is the way to go after all!

    But of course if it were that simple, then PUAs would have nothing to sell. So their first order of business is to convince you that being yourself is "AFC" and "beta."

    1. Yeah I think problem with most people comes down to not going out enough, not talking to many girls, not making a move on interested girls and just generally censoring themselves too much. Apart from this, I think "be yourself" is actually more than enough for most people. Trying to do too much is actually the worst things you can do to yourself.

    2. Exactly. Basically it has to be EASY. If you have to put in any kind of effort to impress or chase the girl it's:
      1. Not going to work.
      2. Not really worth it.

    3. Please keep posting examples like this.

  2. Great blog, keep it up!