Friday, 9 March 2012

My Intro to PUA

At graduation, I got into a very prestigious job but that also meant working long hours. Also by this time, PUA crap had filled my head a lot and that meant I had started focusing on things to do to get girls attracted to me, than just looking out for girls who already did. My social circle also comprised of social retards, so I did not even know a guy who was getting laid a lot. Almost everyone I knew was a virgin or an almost virgin. Combine this with the fact that cold approach is not very common in my country and social life was going to be difficult after college.

I did engage myself into quite a few activities over the weekends but combination of crap in my head and having completely unrealistic standards in women, meant nothing much was going to happen. Still because I did go out a bit and put myself in enough social environments, I did go out on a few dates but nothing happened there because I was too pussy to make a move. So from the time I got the French girl, I did not get anything else till this point.

Till this point, in spite of having read a lot of PUA material - I first read something at the start of my final year of undergrad, till this point - I never actually did an official cold approach. Of course, there were plenty of situations where you are out somewhere and randomly a conversation begins, but officially I was still a typical nerd who just read books without taking any action.

Then I went to NY for a while in the beginning of Feb 2011. This was after about a year and a half out of college. My head was too deep into PUA stuff by this time, and just like everyone does, I decided "I am going to get this part of my life handled". This meant putting too much pressure on myself, made this whole thing not fun and created a problem which never existed in the first place! All I needed to do was just go out a bit (which i was doing a reasonable bit of, maybe needed a bit more) and escalate. That's it. But instead I decided to do PUA.

For an aspiring PUA, NY is this magical place like Hogwarts. You have all these forums, you can meet up with these lair guys, you have so many coaches, talks from guys you read about, people are out there doing approaches, there are so many bars, you can do street game, day game, night game, plenty of super cute girls from diverse backgrounds. I was hooked.

It was a cult like feeling that I was part of something big. A bunch of socially awkward guys coming together, going out there and seducing hot women. Inner game stuff, super duper conversational ability, awesome understanding of  "social-dynamics" and what not. The good thing about me, I guess, was that I was actually went out a lot and did plenty of approaches.

There were plenty of red-flags and once again I should have quit much sooner than I did. At the lair, a lot of the guys were super weird. A few of them were clearly suffering from deeper psychological troubles. One guy I remember had such anxiety issues so big that he had trouble talking to guys in the setting and his face would get red, and he would start taking huge deep breaths. Another started crying and said that he was not even able to go ask time from a random girl. There were a few cool guys though. Overall, hardly the set of problems which I was suffering from.

Even experiences from going out should have confirmed that whole thing was shit. I never really used any lines, no eliciting of her values, no NLP, no cocky funny, no behaving alpha, no caveman - none of that. In spite of that, there were plenty of occasions when girls liked me, when I seemingly did nothing - sometimes even did stupid shit. I remember one time after talking to a girl for long, I was drinking beer and suddenly had the urge to cough. Result was that I ended up spraying beer on the bar table from my mouth (I should emphasize that this is usually not me. I am generally a very calm and composed guy :) ). We still made out that night. However because I did not do ANYTHING, and still the girl liked me, I guess that was part of the problem. I wanted to control this thing. I wanted to feel that all this PUA stuff was helping and not that this whole thing is just totally random.

Thus, I ended up discounting all the random occasions when I did not do anything and the girl liked me, and instead focused on the ones where I did do something but nothing happened! I thus felt, I need to get better game!


  1. Surely you were building confidence by just being in the field. You could say the openers taught at PUA bootcamps are really just placebos, to get you in action. Most PUA trainers will admit that.

    1. I was not building confidence just by being in field using openers. I was already in field and talking to women without them, which I what I wrote above. Beyond the first few night outs, "building confidence" thing doesn't really happen unless you are making some progress in interactions. I wrote another post called building positive reference experiences. You should read that.

      I could a very lengthy response to detail all the problems that happen with using openers, the context etc. but I don't have the time. For now, it will have to suffice to say that a one-size fits all methodology doesn't work and generally speaking, I feel, if a guy has to rely on routines and openers to approach women in bars, clubs etc. then he should probably not bother with random women in the first place and focus more on friends and social circle till he gets more socially comfortable

  2. I don't think you get it Johnny. You said yourself that you're an attractive guy. So girls will like you for whatever crap you may say. But for ugly people like me, then we may have to use PUA.