Friday, 16 March 2012

Glamorization of the "PUA Journey"

One massive massive massive issue that I have with the PUA community is this notion that they create in your head of this being an "epic journey", this journey where you transform yourself, you beat all odds, after which you are not lonely anymore blah blah blah. Lets look at one of the speeches given by a PUA dude, who is fairly popular - Dj Fuji. Many people say he is one of most legit coaches out there. Don't bother watching the whole speech (I didn't). The first 5-10 minutes is enough.

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He is using all this self-help pep talk stuff - this talk will transform your "journey", mindsets, game, motivation, giving excuses, how I had it all - I was in marines, rich, working in a nice job yada yada yada, but deep down, I felt inadequate because I didn't have chicks, how there was a massive "pain period", I constantly went out, there was light at the end of the tunnel etc.

If you actually did not know the context of the speech and just heard a part of it, you would be forgiven to think something like he seems to have taken part in a war like the movie 300, where a few hundred dudes kill a massive army. Then you would get a rude awakening that oh, he is actually talking about hitting on chicks! And no, you should not be forgiven if you try to equate the two.

What happens when you create this image of this being so epic, you start thinking this is a really hard task which I will once be able to one day, that if it feels super easy then you are doing something wrong, that hitting on chicks is not a normal thing to do, that it requires some elite level skills which only some elite coach can teach you, that if you don't have a girl friend then you should be unhappy, it undermines everything else which you have achieved in your life if you aren't getting regular sex, makes you feel that there is something fundamentally wrong with you or the way you see the world which you will have to change through an "epic journey" etc. I can probably 20 articles on what is wrong when you think of this process as an "epic journey".

When I was going out, this is one the aspects which probably hurt me the most. I heard all these people that oh it is so hard, there is a "pain period", this journey is so rewarding, that you shouldn't use crutches etc. that of course if all I did was go to a bar, get a little drunk, talked bullshit with a girl who seemed into me for whatever reason and we had sex, then of course there is nothing epic about it. How could I just focus on my dance lessons, explore random new places in the city, focus on having fun, making some friends and in the process, bang some babes?

Seriously, if anyone still think in terms of this, please stop! In my experience, I don't think I have changed much through this entire "journey". I probably dress a little better now, feel a little more comfortable expressing myself and not censoring myself too much and feel a little more comfortable physically escalating. Rejection hurts a little less now and I am a little better at identifying girls who are interested in me.

I am far from awesome. I am still fairly awkward socially, still very bad at flirting, still end up saying stupid shit in conversations and chicken out from escalating. If you went out with me, you might even think that I am this AFC. But I know that it's fine. I am who I am, and there are chicks who like me. And also, it's not like chicks are perfect! Despite all the "PUA skills" which I lack, I still do pick up babes every now and then. Also, I have plenty of fun in the process and going out is not this one big epic event where I listen to tapes which pump me up before going out, carrying protein bars in case my "energy levels" drop through the night, do war cries in the venue to "pump my state", avoid drinking because that would mean using a crutch etc.

So go out there, and have fun man! Don't put so much pressure on yourself, not with chicks at least. Accept that we are all products of our genetics and environment. Focus on things which are almost guaranteed to get you results - working out, dressing well, making friends, going out, having fun, hitting on random chicks and identifying who likes you.

And please, if you are a guy who is in shape, was in the marines, earns six figures at 23, a self made person, own a house which you paid for (or even ballpark close to this) - please, please, please take more pride in your achievements than Dj Fuji does! 


  1. working out, dressing well, making friends, going out, having fun, hitting on random chicks and identifying who likes you.


  2. I am who I am, and there are chicks who like me. And also, it's not like chicks are perfect!

    That's crucial!!! That's one of the most damaging concepts of the community. John has written about this at length.

    It teaches you that you are NOT ENOUGH as you are, and that you need to "Become something" a future someone who will then "earn the right to success".

    It's fucking bullshit. Imperfect guys get chicks all the time. It's just a matter of identifying the ones who want you.

    1. Yeah, I think the only self-improvement aspects which seem to exhibit a strong positive correlation with getting chicks are all looks related.

      On the note of self-improvement, ironically, what I have experienced is that a lot of times I come across too sophisticated, worldly, well-traveled, they tell me I am very good with words etc. that many chicks get intimidated and are not able to relate to any fancy thing I might say.

      Only women who have a fairly high self esteem themselves stick around. I actually find myself having to dumb down a lot of my conversations these days, keeping the convo topics to aspects which average girls can actually talk about.

      When I realized this, it was like such a huge slap up my face. I went like dude! isn't it obvious. An average chick does some dumb job, very likely doesn't have a hobby which she is super passionate about, or has done a lot of cool stuff in her life, or went to like a top 20-30 college of the world, most likely has a very narrow world view (I know I am generalizing, but you get the point).

      So much for all the necessary self-improvement to get chicks!

    2. I rarely am my true real rational self around women. Very few would be able to handle it. I dumb it down as well, but at times when I'm talking to a broad I don't care about sleeping with I whip it out for fun.

      Most recent scenario was at a couch surfing happy hour where I dropped some knowledge on a girl about the improbability of ever truly achieving world peace. Once she realized her whims and desires couldn't hold up against facts she just stood there resenting the stark nature of the world I had just showed her.

  3. After improving myself I stopped relating to others because I got too fucking smart in the wrong way. I got more chicks when I was saying stupid shit and some people thought I was an idiot. Wow I was happy back then ;D

    1. Haha, I can totally relate with you man!

  4. "Accept that we are all products of our genetics and environment."

    What point does this argument support?

    "Focus on things which are almost guaranteed to get you results - working out, dressing well, making friends, going out, having fun, hitting on random chicks and identifying who likes you."

    One important point is missing. Finding out who YOU like.
    It is not about getting girls that like you. It is about getting girls that you like.

    1. I wanted to say that we are all products of our genetics and environment. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself, questioning yourself and the like.

      The point about getting girls who like you - when I said hitting on random chicks, the assumption was that you will hit on girls who you at least like somewhat. Would you hit on an ugly girl you definitely don't like? I have never done that.

  5. The biggest problem with PUA is that it steers average or below average guys into aiming for 10s - when they should be realistic and get them aiming for women of a similar level - sorry guys unless you are some famous actor musician or billionaire you aint going to be fucking 10s
    yes its important to have dreams - but keep them achievable

    it also fills the heads of people with unnecessary unproven shit and it skirts around the main issue - you are not getting girls due to 1 of 2 main reasons 1 - you are simply not meeting enough women 2 - you are not good looking enough for the women you are trying with

    1. Realistic goads - extremely important.

      I would add environment to that list. Meeting 100 girls through a private party or through friends is very different from 100 girls in some random mainstream club.

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