Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Realistic Goals

I had not planned to write more posts, but since I got very positive feedback about this blog, I am probably going to write a few more.

In this post I want to talk about having realistic goals. This is also a total departure from what PUAs teach that no matter who you are, you can bang lots of hot chicks. I feel the few legit virgin-to-pussy heaven kind of stories that do exist in the PUA community actually hurt you more than help you as (a) the story itself is an outcome of a very strong selection bias and (b) they don't talk about the related circumstances like they had all the time in the world, they went out something like 5 hours a day for 7 days a week, they were probably willing to bang anything that moved, they somehow managed to get into a social circle like a club promoter or the like. When one reads this story, this ends up giving you false hopes, distorted perception of reality and sets you up for a fantasy which will probably not get fulfilled. This ends up hurting you a lot.

Another horrible point is usually that these guys then end up crediting their newly acquired "mad-skills" for their results, and not the fact that maybe earlier they were just not going out enough, not recognizing girls who liked them and not escalating on them.

When I moved to NY, at the time I was an almost virgin who had moved from a completely different country, lacked social skills, did not know many people etc. At this time, my focus should have been on making new friends, getting a few dates and just generally going out and talking to people. Cold approaching should have been more of a supplement than the main thing which I should have focused on. So when I did all these approaches, I lacked a cultural understanding, I lacked reference experience of having been sexually comfortable with women etc. and the only experience which I was getting with women was in fast crazy environments.

Later on, after I did detach a bit from PUA, this is the area I focused on, and this is what ended up making me happy and getting me results.

I definitely feel this a problem which a lot of people in the PUA community share. They chase after the wrong goals. Some of it arises due to the fact PUA is made out to be this super epic journey, where you battle against all odds, win by seducing lots of hot women and in the end, are declared a hero by your fellow PUA tribe members. Honestly, if people just focused on basics like making new friends, starting a couple of social hobbies and just asking girls out on dates, most of their problems would be resolved. What instead ends up happening is that a bunch of guys who are all extremely incapable socially, haven't had a girl friend or good looking female friends for a while, they team up together to go talk to hot women in relatively hostile environments.

Instead I think people should first focus on making some decently cool friends (both male and female), getting a social hobby or two, going out with them, getting a few dates from these friends or friends of friends and maybe cold approaching a bit where you focus on just having reasonable conversations. If one can't even do this much, then sleeping with hot women on a regular basis or pulling 90% of your first dates should be the last thing on your mind. Once you can do this, then focus on being more aggressive, more sexual, flirting more, making out regularly with girls in bars/clubs etc. Then sleeping with a few girls and getting some basic sexual experience. Once you can do this, then and only then, attempt to focus on becoming this mad player who can get an instant makeout from a girl surrounded by 5 AMOGs and pull her 10 minutes later into the bathroom stall.


  1. Thanks A lot for this! I could definitely use this. Nice perspective, I'll look into this some more

  2. I think you are confusing sociability with sex...one of the easiest traps to fall into is being too sociable with girls who have no other interest than talking to you for hours and hours...learning to spot them and walking away is essential

    1. Depends on who you are. I have seen too many guys doing the PUA thing who literally did not have a female friend and could barely have a normal conversation with normal guys and girls. For such people, becoming more sociable first is way more important. Ask yourself this, you meet some guy. Forget the fact that you might be embarrassed that you met him in a PUA setting. Assume you met the guy generally. Will you happily introduce that guy to your friends? I can tell you for a fact that I met plenty of guys who I would never introduce to my friends. A couple of guys have even embarrassed my plenty in front of some random social circles.

      The thing about being too sociable comes a little later after you have handled some basic foundations.