Friday, 9 March 2012

Slowly detaching myself from PUA

For some reason, in spite of not getting any success, I kept at it. Part of the reason was that I kept reading random forums where people said that they too had no success for a period of time, but then everything suddenly became easier one day. So I kept at it. But no success.

One of the reasons I kept at it was that I was getting some success randomly when I did not do anything. Like when on a flight, a chick blatantly offered to take me home, when I really did not do anything. On another occasion, I felt up an older girl's pussy in a lounge. But none of these were product of any game. With the older lady, I started the conversation with "What are you drinking", talked about some other random boring shit etc. but the key point was that she was a tourist who was there to get laid.

I want to emphasize here that - a) I did not get laid from these because I somehow fucked both of these and countless others up even when girls liked me a lot due to some random stupidities on my part. b) These were not any product of game. I am not sure what to call it other than the fact that they just liked me right off. I started the conversation, after that they just kept re-engaging me showing plenty of interest.

Anyway, at some point after so many rejections from cold approaching and which is what I was focusing on, I started getting so depressed that I thought maybe girls are not for me, maybe I am secretly gay but I just don't know it (I am serious, I really did think this one night) etc. So I thought this is not worth it. Let me just go do something else.

Overall, I did not get laid even once from all this time in PUA. This was around August of 2011.

This time period detoxing is what changed it for me. I focused purely on doing things that I like. I went about exploring NY on my own. Focused on my dance lessons. Took random lessons here and there. Went out to try new bars and restaurants. Invited friends over from nearby cities. My mood starting lifting up. During this time I also met some awesome cool guys. My dance instructor used to like me a lot - she took me over the weekends to nearby cities where she taught workshops to travel with her and her friends. Everywhere I went, because this time I was just focused on enjoying and not on what I was doing, I actually started noticing for the first time all the girls who liked me.

There was also severe cognitive dissonance that my mind faced during this time. It did not make sense that so many awesome guys and girls love hanging out with me, invite me to go out with them and I kept bombing so badly at cold approach. Maybe it was "game" that was making me weird?

During this time, one night I went out to a bar with friends, there were this cute girl who was looking at me and smiling, I went up to her, chatted with her about random stuff, she was an intern in the city for the summer and and it all went so smoothly. We exchanged numbers, her friend kept telling us that we should go out together. We hooked up about a week later.This was my first hookup in NY. I then came back home.

Slowly I started distancing myself from mainstream game. I also started doing searches on google like "PUA scam", "problems with PUA" etc. and came across Aaron Sleazy once day. When I read his book debunking, and other stuff on his blog and forum, a lot of things fell into place and I gradually started detaching myself from it.

Came back from NY in late August 2011. One night my friend invited me to a party. He had two female friends with him. We drank, danced, both girls showed mad interest in me, I offered to drop both of them home, both came, dropped one first, second one told me that I should stay at her place tonight because I was too drunk to go back home, went to her place and had sex. She became my second girlfriend. Once again, I was amazed at the simplicity. We broke up a few months later as she moved to another city.


  1. What's was your age when you woke up? And at what age did you discover PUA?

  2. Hey I just read all the first posts, now I have a rough idea of your pre-PUA background ... What I couldn't get a sense for was time...

    I can't tell if your PUA journey was 10 months or 10 years long...

  3. Good point. I should probably emphasize that more clearly. I started reading PUA books in the last year of undergrad. Never did any approaches though. Same story for another year and a half after college. Just a bit of reading but nothing else. 2011 Feb is when I did my first official cold approach. Around April is when I took my Bootcamp with Rob and Zack. Around August I started withdrawing.

    So total journey time since reading books - 4 years. Since I actually started taking action - a little over a year

  4. Wow I envy you... Back in my day, people took at least 2-4 years of "field" to wake up from this stuff.

    But there was no anti-PUA back then, maybe that's why.. I see guys wake up much faster now.

  5. That is definitely a HUGE factor. I think another factor is that I had a reasonably good social life outside so at some point the opportunity cost of getting rejected at bars and clubs became too high. Another point is that I am a very lazy person. So I just could not constantly keep taking a low rate of return. It was just too much effort

  6. Btw, you are 1000% anonymous here, so there's not much issue in sharing more details about your particular story...

    It's unclear whether you had those girlfriends before PUA, during PUA or after PUA... Because you mention the smart chicks you got without PUA stuff... But you also say you had nothing in college/high-school. So when did these girlfriends/hookups occur?

    Were you a virgin until end of college or did you have some random lays during hs/college?

    Remember you're anonymous, and your specifics will help guys in the process of waking up.

  7. Good point Alek. To be very honest, I did not assume that people would be much interested in hearing about my story. So I just sort of dumped all my thoughts into a few posts.

    Could you maybe suggest which aspects to elaborate about? I will edit/add the posts accordingly.

    I will include more specific details about my sexual history and a general sense of time.

    1. Trust me, a lot of guys who are trying to figure things out will look at your experience as a way to help them assess and relate their own waking up.

      I think details like how you got laid and how those lays were related or unrelated to game.

      If you got a late start, that will help other guys who are getting a late start... If you randomly got a few lays while trying out pua, but can now tell they were not to do with PUA, that will also help guys.

  8. Alek - I have added details to posts to include the details you mentioned. Just to answer the same here - Nothing in HS, not even a kiss. First girlfriend/summer fling was in France in college. Nothing else in college. Second girl in August of 2011. This was a hookup that lasted a couple of weeks. Then second girlfriend in Sept 2011 (after PUA). Did not get any during PUA.